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The World. In the dim of night, the hour of the all-black upon me, my eyes are slow to see. For a moment, I am reminded of the Winds of Change from Endora's deck, and then "the World" whispers its name in my ear.

Bat wings. "Those who know have wings...." Those who know - wisdom and experience, 2 wands to hold while we dance love, chaos, life, death, loss, gain, joy and sorrow into existence.

The field of possibility shimmers before me, a blanket of stars that I will pull around my soft, white almost-human shoulders. How much of the World do we really know, and how much do we *think* we know?

How much Mystery is left? Do the devils protect their demonic legacies while the angels pierce them with self-righteousness goodness? Does good and bad matter, to anyone, but me?

A cold wind is blowing in my head, I hear the whistle of it in the cracks of my mind, the chill that makes you snuggle deeper into the warm waiting arms of the one you love. I see myself turning my face to bury myself in his chest, never wanting to look out at the World again, only up into his eyes. What World is there but the one I see in You my Beloved?

"This World is Nothing as It Seems," more than one lifetime you've mentioned it to me. Pontificated while I sat smiling. Do you remember? I never forgot. And yet, I think I have finally begun to understand.

All is had in Time. The World wants for nothing because she already is in a state of fulfillment. There is nothing left to become or to do or to be... there is only the Earth realm, and its lessons. Its conditions.

The stars prick my bare shoulders with tiny kisses of pain and light. I consider sinking my teeth into you, consider the day when I will claim and devour what has always been mine.

I have everything I need.
I have nothing I need.
I have every lifetime inside me.
I have only this lifetime inside me.

I am the Dark between the Stars, the depth of velvet black that embraces. I am potentiality. Everything resides within me. I am empty. And I am fulfillment.

10 Pentacles.... oh my god... my heart jumps just to see you appear. I know immediately what this card speaks of... you are so intimately familiar to me, beloved. Just hold me, protect me, keep me close and safe. I can believe enough to make it right, I can wait, I can take action, I can do everything if I'm with you. In here....

He holds his catch in his arms. This time, she's for keeps. He's had a long time to watch, and to wait, to be patient and plan... that is the building phase of this card - the 10 shows us a fruition point, the pentacles indicate this is of his making, that this is the End to that which he has made.

And it's a beginning. It's a moment of fulfillment and encapsulates the message, "There is magic everywhere, and it only takes a moment for you to notice it." It is hidden, for all to see.

He has taken that which he loves, that which he has worked for, and at last, she is his. She is his, in his arms, in his lair, in his undead heart... she is his now. Fulfillment, the sense that all that you need is at hand... at last.

I see Love in the cocoon of his eyes. Hidden and yet not.

... Do you think she's dreaming?

King of Cups, reversed.

The King of Cups has been following me in my Decameron deck since last week. Not so surprising to see it show up here.

He looks very alone, sitting there by himself on his hardass throne. He doesn't even look at his cup. Could it be that he has everything he needs, so much so that he doesn't even look at what he has?

And if that is reversed, it tells me, "You must cherish what you have, do not forget it."

Another King, another ending point, culmination point. That which is acheived, and yet not.

Queen of Swords, rev.

Damn, I look hot. (Not irl mind you, but something is shining brightly for me here). I'm on freakin FIRE! If it weren't reversed, I'd think maybe some good news is coming today about my words, my swords, but who knows.

I feel myself petting the gargoyle, reaching for him instinctually, reassuring myself that he is there. Oh I can feel it now... this beast is mine to unleash when I want. I set a spell upon it, freezing it into stone, and when I wish, when it serves me, I will undo the spell and let the beast roam free.

The possibility of the beast turning to attack me as soon as I've released him from this spell is prevalent. But I don't care, I have my sword.

She looks a lot like she's manifesting, the fingers and swords drawing the energy down. The reversal? Not sure really. Perhaps her manifesting efforts are not met with success. Hard to say.

3 of Pentacles - this is a card I struggle with in this deck also, Countess.

Ravens are primarily solitary figures, they work alone or in pairs most often. Here are three. Not unheard of, but slighlty unusual.

Myself, this symbolizes something to me. If the "typical" 3 of Pents shows us a time of coming together, working towards a common goal, and/or uniting efforts to overcome momentary obstacles... here we see three very independent birds who have come together.

Why? (That is the unanswerable question, the question that can be answered a thousand ways, in the moment of the reading itself, I think).

None look agitated. They look like they're just hanging out, I reckon. The jester's face can at times speak to me with more symbolism. Is he laughing or crying, and why?

But sometimes when I hit a card that looks a lot like stone, such as the stone ledge and background here, I go cold on this deck. I just don't get a lot to work with, imagery-wise. Happens to me on the 4 of cups in this deck also, and a few others. Just stone and stone, and there's not much energy for me to find and get lost inside.

The cards just seem to clam up and I have to work to pry the message out, like a stubborn pearl hiding inside. ...It *is* a toughie in the deck, I totally agree.

6 of wands... the charge ahead is blocked. Not the card I would have expected for my day. I woke this morning and thought of how I felt inside, thought of my day... and knew I was in a "Berkana" state of mind. Not strange at all to pull my rune for the day and see Berkana, reversed. But this one is a surprise. I would have guessed something a bit softer.

Six bats lay behind. I've not noticed the bats so much before.

This chick isn't talking to me today. I feel the horse beneath me, the charge that just ended in the rearing of his hooves that we see here. A moment ago, I was flying along on horseback. Now... (Mara thinks of the screeching sounds of car brakes). Full stop.

When I wanna dance....

Ahhhh I just talked myself to the answer. If this card is indicating something on my mind, it's been my dance career. That which was charging ahead, and then... Full stop. For a long long time. And I know I'm not done. But I am lazy. Lazy lazy too lazy, especially for an old dancer.

One more reading....

AH~!!~ Ah ah aha AH HA...!!!

This pleases me. There's this part I want next year. Auditions will be late summer 06. And dammit, I want this part. It's not like me to invest myself in a project until it's upon me. But this one, I want to prepare ahead for.

"I want the part of Cassie, show me what I need to know about this role. Show me what to expect?"

Ace of Pentacles. A very good omen. Pentacles, get to work.

I have got to get back into my dancer self. I've gotta get back to classes, and get serious again, when I've got so little energy to give it. If I take the time, now... I will reap a lot more as a result. Gotta commit, and I've shied from the commitment. Gotta put the smokes away more often, and get back to the studio. My back hurts a lot. Can I overcome my injuries, can I overcome the excuses to stay home and write instead? Can I overcome my own worst enemy, the lethargy of motherhood?

I'm scared. The reality is hard to face. So much I know I've lost. But that's the 5 of cups... which will I focus on... that which is gone, or that which remains? The fact that I'll never dance on pointe again... or the fact that I can still dance like a demon. Focus on what I still have going for me, what I can still do.

Someday I'll tell my grandkids how grandma was a dancer, oh yes she was! And I could kick my leg *this high*! Five years have gone by, an eternity. But I have time to keep kicking, and if I don't do it now... Time can be so unforgiving, but especially to a dancer.